Showing posts with label Guidance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Guidance. Show all posts
Jun 18, 2012
Las Vegas Rescue Mission - Free of Charge for Families
JUNE 17, 2012: MEDIA
RELEASE
LAS
VEGAS RESCUE MISSION
FREE OF CHARGE FOR
FAMILIES
CONTACT: Glendene Grant
Call or text: 
250-299-3694
250-299-3694
If
you have a daughter or son who has gone (AKA: been taken) to the Las Vegas, Nevada
area there is a new group that I have been in touch with who will look for them
on your behalf FREE OF CHARGE for
families.
They
are from Las Vegas and they know the areas that these women & men are taken
to by the pimps who suck them in to going there with them, whether it is to move
there with a (so-called) boyfriend;
to go on a (so-called) trip; or
forced to go there –
If you are worried about
what is happening to your loved one in the Las Vegas area, contact me and I will
put you in touch with them.
Please understand they will have to ensure you are a
family member so the group is not put in danger by a pimp trying to pull a "fast one" with the intent to harm
someone in the group. As you can well imagine this is not something that will go
over well with the pimps and traffickers in Sin City, so precautions will be
taken.
This
group has ONE MISSION and ONE MISSION only:
TO HELP FIND YOUR CHILD
AND GET THEM HOME TO THEIR FAMILY BEFORE THEY END UP MISSING LIKE JESSIE
FOSTER OR MURDERED LIKE LINDSAY HARRIS.
Even
if all you want is to get a message to your child to have them call you, THIS CAN BE DONE. If they need a safe
place to stay until they can get home, IT IS AVAILABLE; if you need help
financially getting them home, IT IS
AVAILABLE.
THESE
PEOPLE NOT JUST MEMBERS OF A GROUP, THEY ARE MEMBERS OF THE PUBLIC WHO ARE READY
TO HELP GET YOUR CHILDREN BACK FROM THESE VIOLENT PIMPS &
TRAFFICKERS.
Jun 12, 2012
M.A.T.H - Jessie Foster's Mom Glendene Speaks out
M.A.T.H. - Mothers Against Trafficking of Humans
http://www.mlive.com/news/flint/index.ssf/2010/06/burton_mother_lis...
Burton mother Lisa Brant aims to raise awareness of human trafficking by starting Mothers Against Trafficking Humans
By Laura Misjak | The Flint Journal
June 01, 2010, 3:00AM
Lisa Brant
BURTON, Michigan — Five years ago, Lisa Brant’s 16-year-old daughter was taken from a friend’s home in Florida, raped, drugged and about to be sold to a man in Texas for $300,000.
After speaking out about the incident on national talk shows, Brant — who now lives in Burton — has collaborated with another parent to form a group against human trafficking.
Mothers Against Trafficking Humans would be an international parent group to bring awareness to North American human trafficking.
“I just started this organization because people just don’t want to hear it,” Brant said.
Brant said she hopes the organization will give her more opportunities to spread the word. She said she’s had a hard time finding local speaking engagements to shed light on human trafficking.
“The only success I’m getting is the talk shows,” Brant said.
Brant has been interviewed on the TODAY show, Maury Povich and MSNBC. But, she says, scheduling local speaking engagements has been a bit more difficult.
She said she’s been turned down at both Bendle and Flint schools.
“They were pretty much telling me this is something the parents don’t need to hear about,” Brant said. “I can’t fathom that they’re OK with discussing sex education, why can’t we discuss sex trafficking? To me that’s kind of a hand-in-hand thing.”
But superintendents from both school districts said they never spoke to Brant, who says she never made it past the office secretaries.
Despite Brant’s problems, human trafficking advocates say progress has been made in the last few years to spread awareness.
Mark Klaas, executive director of KlaasKids Foundation, an organization that advocates to stop crimes against children, said stories like Brant’s daughter’s has helped with awareness.
“You look at a pretty young girl and it’s hard to imagine she could be drawn into something like that,” he said. “It tends to raise a lot of awareness.”
In recent years, the Trafficking Victims Protection Act, has shown legislative progress in spotlighting domestic human trafficking.
The act has now provides at least federal funding to advocate against domestic trafficking.
“The (act) was based on a presumption that the U.S. was a demand country as opposed to a supply country, although it’s terribly skewed in the other direction,” Klaas said. “For the first time they really do acknowledge there’s an issue.”
Glendene Grant, of British Columbia, is a parent of a current human trafficking victim Jesse Foster, who she believes is in Las Vegas. Foster has been missing since 2006.
Grant teamed up with Brant to create M.A.T.H.
She said legislative progress is being made in Canada as well as a bill that would create a minimum sentencing for the trafficking of minors.
She said the organization will be a place other parents can look to for support.
“Neither one of us knew what to do,” Grant said. “Neither one of us ever asked to be put in this position. ... But now, in some cases, we’re probably the most knowledgeable.”
May 22, 2012
Additional Resource: Missing In California
Missing in California is a website dedicated to helping families keep hope alive by keeping their faces and stories in the public view.
The website is very well put together, easy to navigate and full of helpful resources.
It profiles cases from all time that are in California and ones that also may be in California (a very important aspect).
We have worked with them many times on searches for April Beth Pitzer and Catherine Lique.
The founder has been involved in missing person's for a very long time. Dedicating countless hours to on site foot searches and scouring the internet databases for clues. She has even solved a missing/unidentified case that went back approximately 20 years. She makes beautiful detailed flyers and is a fantastic shoulder to cry on.
Here is a link to the website: http://www.missingincalifornia.com/
The website is very well put together, easy to navigate and full of helpful resources.
It profiles cases from all time that are in California and ones that also may be in California (a very important aspect).
We have worked with them many times on searches for April Beth Pitzer and Catherine Lique.
The founder has been involved in missing person's for a very long time. Dedicating countless hours to on site foot searches and scouring the internet databases for clues. She has even solved a missing/unidentified case that went back approximately 20 years. She makes beautiful detailed flyers and is a fantastic shoulder to cry on.
Here is a link to the website: http://www.missingincalifornia.com/
May 20, 2012
Additional resource: LostNMissing
Link to LostNMissing Website
Home Page to LostNMissing a fellow Organization to help families through these tough times. Their flyers are not your run of the mill alert flyers, they are beautifully crafted, lovingly double checked and shared to the world for maximum attention. They have many other services as well!
Please go to their website and see all of their resources.
Families of missing loved ones need hope when they are down.
Assigned tasks for strength, when they are weak.
Clarity, when they are frustrated.
Actions when it seems all has come to a stand-still.
Unity, when they feel they are alone.
Guidance, when they are experiencing set-backs.
Normalcy, when things are maddening.
Plans, when things are confusing.
Above all, they need their missing loved ones.
LostNMissing works, with priority, for all our families to
do all possible to bring their loved ones home.
Always with professionalism and the family's needs first.
written by Cynthia Caron,
President-Founder, LostNMissing Inc
Home Page to LostNMissing a fellow Organization to help families through these tough times. Their flyers are not your run of the mill alert flyers, they are beautifully crafted, lovingly double checked and shared to the world for maximum attention. They have many other services as well!
Please go to their website and see all of their resources.
_________________________________________________________________________
Families of missing loved ones need hope when they are down.
Assigned tasks for strength, when they are weak.
Clarity, when they are frustrated.
Actions when it seems all has come to a stand-still.
Unity, when they feel they are alone.
Guidance, when they are experiencing set-backs.
Normalcy, when things are maddening.
Plans, when things are confusing.
Above all, they need their missing loved ones.
LostNMissing works, with priority, for all our families to
do all possible to bring their loved ones home.
Always with professionalism and the family's needs first.
written by Cynthia Caron,
President-Founder, LostNMissing Inc
_____________________________________________________________________
May 18, 2012
Media For The Missing
Missing person resource center begins fundraising
http://cjonline.com/news/2012-04-14/missing-person-resource-center-begins-fundraising
Posted: April 14, 2012 - 6:25pm
By
MANHATTAN — A small group of
Manhattan volunteers have established an organization to increase
awareness for missing individuals and promote safety and preventative
education.
Now, they are seeking donations to pay for a place to set up their 24-hour resource center/headquarters and cover operating costs.
“We need $3.87 million by the end of the year for the building and operations,” volunteer Stephanie Coplen said. “We’re looking for a location now.”
Media for the Missing, the nonprofit organization, will take information about missing and unidentified people supplied by law enforcement, the National Missing and Unidentified Persons System, The Charley Project, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and other related agencies and make it available to the general public through its website, brochures and nationwide touch-screen kiosk system set up in high-traffic locations, such as welcome centers, truck stops or medical facilities.
The U.S. Department of Justice indicates 2,300 people are reported missing every day. Coplen said 89 people are missing or unidentified in Kansas.
“It’s recognition through repetition,” she said, adding the more often people see a photo of a missing person, the more likely the individual will be recognized and authorities alerted. “We want people to be safe, not statistics.”
Coplen said the organization will provide “equal and adequate exposure of all people,” including the homeless, the elderly and minority groups.
Information provided on its website, www.mediaforthemissing.org, includes missing alerts, information about missing people, self-defense videos of how to escape attackers, safety tips, state laws and legislation regarding missing people and information about related organizations.
Media for the Missing doesn’t take calls about or investigate missing people reports, she said.
Long-term plans include expanding outside of Kansas, a missing person marathon and a billboard system with missing person information.
Donations for Media for the Missing can be made by going to its website and clicking on the “Donate” button.
Now, they are seeking donations to pay for a place to set up their 24-hour resource center/headquarters and cover operating costs.
“We need $3.87 million by the end of the year for the building and operations,” volunteer Stephanie Coplen said. “We’re looking for a location now.”
Media for the Missing, the nonprofit organization, will take information about missing and unidentified people supplied by law enforcement, the National Missing and Unidentified Persons System, The Charley Project, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and other related agencies and make it available to the general public through its website, brochures and nationwide touch-screen kiosk system set up in high-traffic locations, such as welcome centers, truck stops or medical facilities.
The U.S. Department of Justice indicates 2,300 people are reported missing every day. Coplen said 89 people are missing or unidentified in Kansas.
“It’s recognition through repetition,” she said, adding the more often people see a photo of a missing person, the more likely the individual will be recognized and authorities alerted. “We want people to be safe, not statistics.”
Coplen said the organization will provide “equal and adequate exposure of all people,” including the homeless, the elderly and minority groups.
Information provided on its website, www.mediaforthemissing.org, includes missing alerts, information about missing people, self-defense videos of how to escape attackers, safety tips, state laws and legislation regarding missing people and information about related organizations.
Media for the Missing doesn’t take calls about or investigate missing people reports, she said.
Long-term plans include expanding outside of Kansas, a missing person marathon and a billboard system with missing person information.
Donations for Media for the Missing can be made by going to its website and clicking on the “Donate” button.
Read Jan's blog: Northeast-Kansas-News.
May 17, 2012
Are you a member of Peace4Missing?
http://peace4missing.ning.com/
There are so many reasons to be a member of Peace4Missing. If you are a family member of a current or former missing person, it is a place where you can go to be surrounded by people who have gone through and are going through the same thing you are.
I am sure in your daily life you have to wear a whole different hat and carry on as if you are not missing a piece of your heart. On the Peace4 forum, you are overly supported, given advice and can feel free to share your feelings without worry of reprimand or people telling you to lighten up. The people who are members of Peace4 are thoughtful, caring and genuinely want to help. Even if only it is to agree with you about some injustice or praise you for your hard work.
The support you can't find at home, you can find it there.
If you are someone who can offer a kind ear and sound advice, this place needs you. You give so much, without giving a thing.
There are so many reasons to be a member of Peace4Missing. If you are a family member of a current or former missing person, it is a place where you can go to be surrounded by people who have gone through and are going through the same thing you are.
I am sure in your daily life you have to wear a whole different hat and carry on as if you are not missing a piece of your heart. On the Peace4 forum, you are overly supported, given advice and can feel free to share your feelings without worry of reprimand or people telling you to lighten up. The people who are members of Peace4 are thoughtful, caring and genuinely want to help. Even if only it is to agree with you about some injustice or praise you for your hard work.
The support you can't find at home, you can find it there.
If you are someone who can offer a kind ear and sound advice, this place needs you. You give so much, without giving a thing.
May 11, 2012
Keys to Healing Retreat - Project Jason 2012
Project Jason Keys to Healing Retreat
All Photos and text are from the Project Jason Website
Keys to Healing: Mind, Body, and Spirittm
We who live with the unique reality of having a missing loved one
know the difficulties we face in this situation. We know the emotions
and the frustrations. None of us living with what is called "an
ambiguous loss" knows how long this journey will last, so it’s
important that we do all that we do what we can to keep ourselves
mentally, physically, and spiritually strong for the day we have our
answers.
These are the Keys to Healing, the keys to help you face each day as best you can
without your missing loved one.
We feel this is such an important and needed venture. To our
knowledge, there is no other open invitation retreat for families in
the US.
Our Keys to Healing Retreat, held each year beginning on Friday and ending Sunday afternoon, embraces you with sessions that address the mind, body, and spirit. Our principal trainer is Duane Bowers, LPC, the nation’s foremost traumatic loss therapist and educator. Among his many services to families dealing with grief is providing support to families of abducted, missing, exploited and murdered children through the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) and to families of missing persons of any age through Project Jason’s Healing Harbor. Bowers is the author of “Guiding Your Family Through Loss and Grief” and “A Child is Missing: Providing Support for Families of Missing Children.”
The Project Jason Board of Directors is pleased to announce that the 4th annual Keys to Healing Retreat
will take place August 10-12, 2012. The retreat is open to family
members of missing persons whose cases are listed with law enforcement
agencies in North America. Classes offered during the retreat will
cover all aspects of living in the "not knowing," with a focus on
mental, spiritual, and physical healing.
Class descriptions and pricing will be announced at a later date. Pricing will be determined by any grants, corporate or private sponsorships received prior to the opening of registration for the event in 2012. Project Jason's ultimate goal is to be able to offer the retreat at no charge. Short of that, we will always offer a discount that we subsidize.
The Keys to Healing will again take place at the Swanson Center, a spacious, comfortable, and scenic retreat center near Omaha, NE. The entire center has been booked to ensure the most private and peaceful of experiences for the attendees.
A personal message from Kelly Jolkowski, president and founder of Project Jason:
"I have been blessed during the nine years since the disappearance of my son, Jason, to have had a good support system, faith for the journey, and training to gain an understand of what is happening inside me and how to handle a variety of situations as they come along. I have learned to laugh again and experience joy, while at the same time keeping the search for my son active. I could not possibly box up what I learned and send it to you, but I can give it to you in the Keys to Healing retreat.
"So, this is my gift to you from me and Project Jason. I hope you’ll be able be able to join us."
Kelly Jolkowski, Mother of Missing Jason Jolkowski
President and Founder,
Project Jason
Are you ready?
Feel free to pass this message along to other families of the missing you know. We're very excited about this, and dozens of families who have been through this retreat are just as excited. We hope that you are too.
Questions? Ask away!
Want to help? We welcome monetary donations to help reach our ultimate goal of offering this retreat free of charge to families of the missing. We also have a wish list of items needed for the retreat that you may donate.
Donations of any kind are not accepted from families of the missing, only from those who support our efforts to assist them in their journeys.
All Photos and text are from the Project Jason Website
All Photos and text are from the Project Jason Website
Keys to Healing: Mind, Body, and Spirittm
Project Jason Retreat
without your missing loved one.
Our Keys to Healing Retreat, held each year beginning on Friday and ending Sunday afternoon, embraces you with sessions that address the mind, body, and spirit. Our principal trainer is Duane Bowers, LPC, the nation’s foremost traumatic loss therapist and educator. Among his many services to families dealing with grief is providing support to families of abducted, missing, exploited and murdered children through the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) and to families of missing persons of any age through Project Jason’s Healing Harbor. Bowers is the author of “Guiding Your Family Through Loss and Grief” and “A Child is Missing: Providing Support for Families of Missing Children.”
Class descriptions and pricing will be announced at a later date. Pricing will be determined by any grants, corporate or private sponsorships received prior to the opening of registration for the event in 2012. Project Jason's ultimate goal is to be able to offer the retreat at no charge. Short of that, we will always offer a discount that we subsidize.
The Keys to Healing will again take place at the Swanson Center, a spacious, comfortable, and scenic retreat center near Omaha, NE. The entire center has been booked to ensure the most private and peaceful of experiences for the attendees.
"I have been blessed during the nine years since the disappearance of my son, Jason, to have had a good support system, faith for the journey, and training to gain an understand of what is happening inside me and how to handle a variety of situations as they come along. I have learned to laugh again and experience joy, while at the same time keeping the search for my son active. I could not possibly box up what I learned and send it to you, but I can give it to you in the Keys to Healing retreat.
"So, this is my gift to you from me and Project Jason. I hope you’ll be able be able to join us."
Kelly Jolkowski, Mother of Missing Jason Jolkowski
President and Founder,
Project Jason
Feel free to pass this message along to other families of the missing you know. We're very excited about this, and dozens of families who have been through this retreat are just as excited. We hope that you are too.
Questions? Ask away!
Want to help? We welcome monetary donations to help reach our ultimate goal of offering this retreat free of charge to families of the missing. We also have a wish list of items needed for the retreat that you may donate.
Donations of any kind are not accepted from families of the missing, only from those who support our efforts to assist them in their journeys.
All Photos and text are from the Project Jason Website
May 5, 2012
Mother's Day and Coping...
Mother's day is next week.... Why am I not excited??
Some of us are missing our Mothers, some of us are missing our children, and some of us Mothers are missing our Husbands. In any case, in the Missing Person's world, no matter how hard you try to be grateful for what you have, it is still hard to see past the pain and enjoy Mother's day.
My own Mom was missing for 6 years and and every Mother's day that came was just a reminder that everyone around me had their Mom's but I didn't. A reminder that if she had chosen to go off on her own, she didn't want to be with me. Or the reminder that if something awful happened to her and she was alive, she was spending Mother's day alone. Or even worse if she had died, then I had spent every year feeling hopeful that she would contact me on Mother's day.
Through all of that time, I could hardly enjoy Mother's day with my son. I took that joy away from him by being sad about my own situation. I couldn't see the value of it if I couldn't tell my mom how much I loved her. I know all of the things I would say to try to comfort a friend if they had been going through all of those same things, but those kind of words fell on deaf ears for me. I didn't want to hear it. I was just so sad.
It has been 2 and a half years since I found out my Mom's fate and it hasn't gotten any easier. I am not looking forward to Mother's day. My mom was not a "good" mom, but she loved us. Now that I am an adult I see the value in that simple gesture. She loved us deeply every day and that alone, makes all the things she did wrong, forgivable.
I have only learned each year to smile through the tears, try to be grateful that I am a Mom, and honor my Mother as much as I can by loving my son the way she loved me and my brothers.
I don't have any good advice on how to cope through days like this, only a few words to tell you that you are not alone and wherever your loved is, they are thinking about you on this day. I am so sorry for everything that you all are going through. I know that it's not easy, and I know that you can lose yourself in it. I hope that you can get past the pain better than me. Most of all, I hope that you have a good Mother's day and know that you are loved.
Stephanie Thompson
Daughter of Catherine Marie Lique, Missing for 6 years in California.
Some of us are missing our Mothers, some of us are missing our children, and some of us Mothers are missing our Husbands. In any case, in the Missing Person's world, no matter how hard you try to be grateful for what you have, it is still hard to see past the pain and enjoy Mother's day.
My own Mom was missing for 6 years and and every Mother's day that came was just a reminder that everyone around me had their Mom's but I didn't. A reminder that if she had chosen to go off on her own, she didn't want to be with me. Or the reminder that if something awful happened to her and she was alive, she was spending Mother's day alone. Or even worse if she had died, then I had spent every year feeling hopeful that she would contact me on Mother's day.
Through all of that time, I could hardly enjoy Mother's day with my son. I took that joy away from him by being sad about my own situation. I couldn't see the value of it if I couldn't tell my mom how much I loved her. I know all of the things I would say to try to comfort a friend if they had been going through all of those same things, but those kind of words fell on deaf ears for me. I didn't want to hear it. I was just so sad.
It has been 2 and a half years since I found out my Mom's fate and it hasn't gotten any easier. I am not looking forward to Mother's day. My mom was not a "good" mom, but she loved us. Now that I am an adult I see the value in that simple gesture. She loved us deeply every day and that alone, makes all the things she did wrong, forgivable.
I have only learned each year to smile through the tears, try to be grateful that I am a Mom, and honor my Mother as much as I can by loving my son the way she loved me and my brothers.
I don't have any good advice on how to cope through days like this, only a few words to tell you that you are not alone and wherever your loved is, they are thinking about you on this day. I am so sorry for everything that you all are going through. I know that it's not easy, and I know that you can lose yourself in it. I hope that you can get past the pain better than me. Most of all, I hope that you have a good Mother's day and know that you are loved.
Stephanie Thompson
Daughter of Catherine Marie Lique, Missing for 6 years in California.
May 1, 2012
"What Every Family Must Know" A Warning, and a Guide, for the Families of Missing Persons
David
Van Norman has revised his article to include NamUs. I decided to post
the revised version because there seems to be a renewed interest in the
article.
"What Every Family Must Know"
A Warning, and a Guide, for the Families of Missing Persons
By Deputy Coroner Investigator David Van Norman, Unidentified-Missing Persons Coordinator
San Bernardino County Sheriff Department - Coroner Division
March 10, 2008
Revised October 2010
WHAT EVERY FAMILY MUST KNOW:
When a loved one is reported missing there is every right to expect that some large law enforcement investigative machine trundles into action; police fan out in all directions, and the search is on for the missing person. I am sorry to say that nothing can be further from the truth!
In the real world missing-person detectives are overwhelmed by the shear volume of missing persons cases and a plethora of other investigative duties, including investigating rapes, assaults, burglaries, etc. Most detectives receive no special training in missing persons investigation, which is unfortunate in light of the fact that the missing person assignment is like no other type of law enforcement duty – requiring an entirely different kind of focus and skill set.
This is the reality. We can cry about it, or we understand what to do about it! Until federal and state legislation catches up and mandates every law enforcement agency in the country investigate missing person cases properly, it is up to you to make the right choices and ensure that what must be done, is done correctly.
WHAT EVERY FAMILY MUST DO:
We must ensure that if a loved one is missing that we put everything into play that will ensure that they are detected when they appear on law enforcement’s radar. We must erect "Velcro Walls" in cyberspace; walls created from identifier records that relate to the missing person, and catch hold of corresponding identifier records for an unidentified person ANYWHERE in the United States (or beyond).
The fact is that a vast majority of missing persons return on their own, without any intervention by law enforcement (which is another reason that some police officers are loath to dedicate time and resources to a missing person, particularly runaways – believing that 95% of the time they just come home anyway!). However, for that small percentage that do not return, we all know that they are on this planet somewhere, and that they are either actively hiding from us, need our help, or are ignorant of our search for them.
It is estimated that there are over 40,000 unidentified persons under investigation across the US. This is a staggering number. Even more staggering is that only about 7,000 are being actively entered into the FBI’s NCIC (the National Crime Information Center)! Although most of the unidentified persons are deceased, it is estimated that as many as 30% to 40% are living. Some are unwilling to identify themselves; they are actively hiding from us. Some are unable to identify themselves; they are confused by Alzheimer’s, incapacitated by mental disability, or by injury – or they are dead.
Whatever the reason, alive or not, how can it be that these persons have not been identified? How many must be on the rolls of the 111,000 active long-term missing persons cases in the US?
This is why:
Forget what you saw on last night’s episode of CSI! There are only three scientifically-acceptable ways to identify someone who is either unwilling or unable to identify themselves: fingerprints, dental records, and DNA.
Notice I did not mention photographs. It isn’t that photographs do not have their uses; statistically one in six missing persons returns home as a direct result of a photograph on a poster or a website. It is just that they do the unidentified person investigator no good. No competent investigator will swear in a court of law that a photograph matches a decedent – there are far too many post-mortem changes, and too many people appear similar. That mug-shot may be probable cause to stop a suspect, but that officer will next confirm the identity with fingerprints, or by some other means.
Keep the photographs on the posters and websites, but the only type of imaging that is of any use to a forensic investigator is a "smiling" photograph depicting the missing person’s teeth, or a "talking" video, showing the missing person’s teeth. Those can be compared to an unidentified person’s teeth by a forensic dentist.
Fingerprints, dental records, and DNA! These are the critical minimum records that must be submitted into law enforcement’s searchable databases.
Currently, on average missing persons records across the United States include the following records at the following rates:
Fingerprints – Less than 1%
Dental Records – About 4%
DNA – Much less than 1%
No wonder there are 40,000 unidentified persons!
CRITICAL FIRST STEP:
The first step is the most critical: The missing loved one MUST be reported missing to a law enforcement agency, and that agency MUST enter the record into NCIC (the National Crime Information Center). This must happen IMMEDIATELY. Federal law prohibits the establishment of a waiting period to report someone missing. I don’t care if the person was last seen walking out the door ten minutes ago- they are gone now!
There is a "logic convention" in law enforcement that the person should be reported missing to the agency with jurisdiction over the place of residence. The reasoning seems to be that a person is likely to return to familiar locations, such as home. However, serious consideration should be given to the location that the person was last seen – particularly if the story is that the person was seen being bundled into the back seat of a blacked-out Mafia car! In California Penal Code 14205 is specific: "All local police and sheriffs' departments shall accept any report of a missing person, including runaways, without delay and shall give priority to the handling of these reports over the handling of reports relating to crimes involving property… the reports shall be submitted within four hours after acceptance to NCIC via CLETS." Technically that means that it doesn’t matter whether the person was never in California, and was last seen on the Space Shuttle! If the phone rings at a police station in California, and a person is missing, the report should be taken. It doesn’t matter if little Jenny has just run away for the 10th time – for all we know, this time she ran straight into the arms of Jack the Ripper! The family will encounter some typical law enforcement attitudes: "There is no law against being missing!" True, but there isn’t any law against taking the report – and in fact, at least in California, there is a law against NOT taking the report! "There is no evidence that anything bad has happened." True, but absence of evidence is not evidence of absence! Since Jenny is missing we have no reason to believe she is safe, either. Unless the investigator believes that she is in the Penthouse Suite at the local Holiday Inn, eating bon-bons and sipping ice tea, then she is probably living on the streets with every scum-sucking bastard in society trolling like sharks for little girls just like her! Take the report and get the information broadcasting in NCIC! Nothing happens without the NCIC record. The NCIC computer chugs away all night long looking for matches between unidentified and missing person records. If a possible match is found between two records, a teletype is sent to both agencies. We receive approximately 1,500 of these match-ups per year for San Bernardino’s 250 long term unidentified person cases. It is then up to the agencies to compare the identifier records, IF they were collected.
If one or the other record is not in NCIC, there IS NO WAY TO MATCH THEM TOGETHER!
THE IDENTIFIERS:
The family MUST assist law enforcement in locating, securing, and submitting these records. Not only must they assist, but they must sometimes INSIST that law enforcement take these records, AND they must make sure that these records are properly submitted into the searchable databases. Many law enforcement investigators I speak to across the country do not know what must be done with these records. This is what must happen:
FINGERPRINTS
The missing person’s fingerprints may be located via a wide variety of sources, including (but not limited to): arrests, employment and background applications, military service, and even through check-cashing facilities and social services. If the missing person in California had ever applied for a driver’s license or identification card, a right thumbprint is available to law enforcement at the California Department of Motor Vehicles. The fingerprints (yes, even the single thumbprint) should be "registered" (not just "run") into Automated Fingerprint Identification System (AFIS - State) AND the Integrated Fingerprint Identification System (IAFIS - FBI). Many investigators are under the impression that only criminal fingerprint records may be "registered" into AFIS. The fact
is that AFIS is a database to be used for law enforcement purposes, and this is one of its purposes!
IAFIS has a much more enlightened and progressive attitude. Fingerprints can be submitted by mail (after submission to AFIS) to the FBI, CJIS Division, in Clarksburg, WV, or by FAX. IAFIS is broken into regions across the United States, each with a regional coordinator (information available on-line at http://www.fbi.gov/hq/cjisd/iafis.htm).
Family members should assist the missing person investigator by locating any possible fingerprints sources, and assisting in getting these submitted.
It is critical that the fingerprint record (AFIS and IAFIS) be referenced by tracking number in the NCIC record. Such a comment may be stated as follows: "FINGERPRINTS ON FILE WITH SAN BERNARDINO COUNTY SHERIFF CAL-ID (909-890-5000) CAL-ID #9999999."
DENTAL RECORDS
These records are perishable, and MUST be obtained as soon as possible! California dental and medical providers are only required to maintain these records for 7 years. This sounds like a long time, unless you consider that the missing person may have not seen a dentist for five years, disappeared two years ago, and may not be found for another ten years. Lock down the records NOW!
Order copies – leave original records with dental or medical providers and tell them to "freeze" the file forever. Once obtained, these records must be mailed (or emailed) to your state missing persons clearinghouse. For a list of missing person clearinghouses by state refer to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children website: (http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/ServiceServlet?Langu...). The NCIC record must be updated to described the availability of dental X-rays and charts, and the dental characteristics must be coded for entry into the NCIC record:
DENTAL INFORMATION – DXR/Y - DENTAL CHARACTERISTICS (DCH) ARE AVAILABLE
DENTAL CHARACTERISTICS
1X 32X
2MO 31DO
3M 30V
4V 29V
5V 28V
6V 27/
7/ 26/
8/ 25V
9V 24V
10V 23V
11V 22V
12V 21V
13V 20V
14O 19MODF
15DO 18O
16V 17X
These dental characteristics are critical for the quick comparisons and rule-outs by a trained unidentified person investigator by comparing which of the missing person’s teeth have modifications (fillings or other dental work) with the deceased person’s (or unidentified living person’s) teeth. For example, if a missing person has a filling in tooth number 14, and the same tooth for the unidentified person has never been modified – it is a rule out: teeth don’t heal. These dental records (charts and X-rays) should also be entered into The National Dental Image Repository (NDIR), which is available to law enforcement through the FBI’s LEO network (Law Enforcement On-line). The NCIC record should be modified to state the following: "DENTAL X-RAYS AND CHARTS AVAILABLE ON NDIR." The Unidentified Persons Investigator wouldn’t even need to contact the missing person investigating agency to check the dental X-rays directly.
DNA
The best source of a missing person’s DNA is from the missing person himself (or herself) – referred to as a "direct" DNA sample. Missing persons leave their DNA behind on toothbrushes, shaving razors, hairbrushes, finger and toenail clippings, unwashed clothing, hats, chewing gum, etc. Use your imagination. If these items were not left behind (and even if they were), "reference" DNA samples should be obtained from blood relatives.
The best "reference DNA" would come from the missing person’s identical twin siblings (monozygotic twins) or both biological parents. If one parent is not available, then the available parent (hopefully the mother, because it is the mother that passes down mtDNA) should be sampled, along with as many full siblings as possible.
The sampling procedure is simple; basically a q-tip is swabbed on the inside of the subject’s mouth. But, the sample should not be submitted to just any DNA lab. Since our goal is to have the missing person’s DNA profile to be available for comparison to unidentified persons nationwide, the samples must be entered into the Combined DNA Index System (CODIS - FBI). There are only a few DNA labs certified to complete a DNA profile and submit to CODIS (a list of such labs are available on the CODIS website). California has one: Department of Justice, Missing/Unidentified Persons DNA Program (DOJ-DNA). They accept personal items (toothbrushes, etc.) and buccal swabs. If the missing person was reported to a California law enforcement agency, then regardless of where the missing person’s family member is located, the agency should contact California DOJ and request that the free kits be mailed to the investigator. If the missing person was reported to a law enforcement agency in a state that does not have its own certified lab, then DNA samples may be submitted to either the Federal Bureau of Investigation directly, or to the Center for Human Identification at the University of North Texas (Phone: 800-763-3147 - Website: www.hsc.unt.edu/departments/pathology_anatomy/dna/forensic.htm).
On average it will take a period of months for a missing person’s DNA profile to be developed and entered into CODIS. This will surprise the gullible who see that Gil Grissom on CSI Las Vegas can knock out a DNA profile by the second commercial break! Here in the real world it takes a tad longer. In fact, I have skeletal remains cases that I submitted for DNA processing in 2003 that have still not been completed! Not through lack of trying, but because the DNA was degraded by exposure, and the technology has not yet developed to the point that viable DNA can be obtained.
In any event, when DNA profiling is completed the NCIC record must be updated to describe the availability of a DNA sample in CODIS, including any reference numbers.
NAMUS
I typically use the phrase "your tax dollars at work!" as a form of derision, as there are so many examples of government waste. But, in NamUs, you are getting your money’s worth! NamUs, the National Missing and Unidentified Persons System website (http://www.namus.gov/), is (in my opinion) the greatest development since the computer itself! NamUs consists of two databases, an Unidentified Persons side that I am entering my cases into, and a Missing Person side. The databases accept photographs, descriptions, fingerprint information and cards, dental characteristics and X-rays, and DNA reference. The best part is that the databases cross-reference each other and suggest matches! This is truly our national website!
Members of the public can browse the site, and contact law enforcement if they observe potential matches. Increasingly, people with computer skills beyond ours in law enforcement have been logging in and devoting their time to searching for matches. I call these "private citizen researchers." They look where I cannot, and have computer skills that I do not. They see connections between cases that I don’t, and are some of the greatest hopes for matching two cases for comparison.
But, if your missing person is not on NamUs, who will see it? You must ensure that your law enforcement investigators enter each and every missing person under their jurisdiction into NamUs!
TEAMWORK
A missing person is too important to be left to one person. Those family members who wish to "leave it to the professionals," and sit back on the couch to let the police do the work will probably get out of this what they put into it. I prefer the Team Approach, with the family involved in a productive way. We must help law enforcement to accomplish this mission, and if they do not know how, we can show them the way.
If there is any way that I can assist, please contact me:
David Van Norman
Email: dvannorman@sbcsd.org
"What Every Family Must Know"
A Warning, and a Guide, for the Families of Missing Persons
By Deputy Coroner Investigator David Van Norman, Unidentified-Missing Persons Coordinator
San Bernardino County Sheriff Department - Coroner Division
March 10, 2008
Revised October 2010
WHAT EVERY FAMILY MUST KNOW:
When a loved one is reported missing there is every right to expect that some large law enforcement investigative machine trundles into action; police fan out in all directions, and the search is on for the missing person. I am sorry to say that nothing can be further from the truth!
In the real world missing-person detectives are overwhelmed by the shear volume of missing persons cases and a plethora of other investigative duties, including investigating rapes, assaults, burglaries, etc. Most detectives receive no special training in missing persons investigation, which is unfortunate in light of the fact that the missing person assignment is like no other type of law enforcement duty – requiring an entirely different kind of focus and skill set.
This is the reality. We can cry about it, or we understand what to do about it! Until federal and state legislation catches up and mandates every law enforcement agency in the country investigate missing person cases properly, it is up to you to make the right choices and ensure that what must be done, is done correctly.
WHAT EVERY FAMILY MUST DO:
We must ensure that if a loved one is missing that we put everything into play that will ensure that they are detected when they appear on law enforcement’s radar. We must erect "Velcro Walls" in cyberspace; walls created from identifier records that relate to the missing person, and catch hold of corresponding identifier records for an unidentified person ANYWHERE in the United States (or beyond).
The fact is that a vast majority of missing persons return on their own, without any intervention by law enforcement (which is another reason that some police officers are loath to dedicate time and resources to a missing person, particularly runaways – believing that 95% of the time they just come home anyway!). However, for that small percentage that do not return, we all know that they are on this planet somewhere, and that they are either actively hiding from us, need our help, or are ignorant of our search for them.
It is estimated that there are over 40,000 unidentified persons under investigation across the US. This is a staggering number. Even more staggering is that only about 7,000 are being actively entered into the FBI’s NCIC (the National Crime Information Center)! Although most of the unidentified persons are deceased, it is estimated that as many as 30% to 40% are living. Some are unwilling to identify themselves; they are actively hiding from us. Some are unable to identify themselves; they are confused by Alzheimer’s, incapacitated by mental disability, or by injury – or they are dead.
Whatever the reason, alive or not, how can it be that these persons have not been identified? How many must be on the rolls of the 111,000 active long-term missing persons cases in the US?
This is why:
Forget what you saw on last night’s episode of CSI! There are only three scientifically-acceptable ways to identify someone who is either unwilling or unable to identify themselves: fingerprints, dental records, and DNA.
Notice I did not mention photographs. It isn’t that photographs do not have their uses; statistically one in six missing persons returns home as a direct result of a photograph on a poster or a website. It is just that they do the unidentified person investigator no good. No competent investigator will swear in a court of law that a photograph matches a decedent – there are far too many post-mortem changes, and too many people appear similar. That mug-shot may be probable cause to stop a suspect, but that officer will next confirm the identity with fingerprints, or by some other means.
Keep the photographs on the posters and websites, but the only type of imaging that is of any use to a forensic investigator is a "smiling" photograph depicting the missing person’s teeth, or a "talking" video, showing the missing person’s teeth. Those can be compared to an unidentified person’s teeth by a forensic dentist.
Fingerprints, dental records, and DNA! These are the critical minimum records that must be submitted into law enforcement’s searchable databases.
Currently, on average missing persons records across the United States include the following records at the following rates:
Fingerprints – Less than 1%
Dental Records – About 4%
DNA – Much less than 1%
No wonder there are 40,000 unidentified persons!
CRITICAL FIRST STEP:
The first step is the most critical: The missing loved one MUST be reported missing to a law enforcement agency, and that agency MUST enter the record into NCIC (the National Crime Information Center). This must happen IMMEDIATELY. Federal law prohibits the establishment of a waiting period to report someone missing. I don’t care if the person was last seen walking out the door ten minutes ago- they are gone now!
There is a "logic convention" in law enforcement that the person should be reported missing to the agency with jurisdiction over the place of residence. The reasoning seems to be that a person is likely to return to familiar locations, such as home. However, serious consideration should be given to the location that the person was last seen – particularly if the story is that the person was seen being bundled into the back seat of a blacked-out Mafia car! In California Penal Code 14205 is specific: "All local police and sheriffs' departments shall accept any report of a missing person, including runaways, without delay and shall give priority to the handling of these reports over the handling of reports relating to crimes involving property… the reports shall be submitted within four hours after acceptance to NCIC via CLETS." Technically that means that it doesn’t matter whether the person was never in California, and was last seen on the Space Shuttle! If the phone rings at a police station in California, and a person is missing, the report should be taken. It doesn’t matter if little Jenny has just run away for the 10th time – for all we know, this time she ran straight into the arms of Jack the Ripper! The family will encounter some typical law enforcement attitudes: "There is no law against being missing!" True, but there isn’t any law against taking the report – and in fact, at least in California, there is a law against NOT taking the report! "There is no evidence that anything bad has happened." True, but absence of evidence is not evidence of absence! Since Jenny is missing we have no reason to believe she is safe, either. Unless the investigator believes that she is in the Penthouse Suite at the local Holiday Inn, eating bon-bons and sipping ice tea, then she is probably living on the streets with every scum-sucking bastard in society trolling like sharks for little girls just like her! Take the report and get the information broadcasting in NCIC! Nothing happens without the NCIC record. The NCIC computer chugs away all night long looking for matches between unidentified and missing person records. If a possible match is found between two records, a teletype is sent to both agencies. We receive approximately 1,500 of these match-ups per year for San Bernardino’s 250 long term unidentified person cases. It is then up to the agencies to compare the identifier records, IF they were collected.
If one or the other record is not in NCIC, there IS NO WAY TO MATCH THEM TOGETHER!
THE IDENTIFIERS:
The family MUST assist law enforcement in locating, securing, and submitting these records. Not only must they assist, but they must sometimes INSIST that law enforcement take these records, AND they must make sure that these records are properly submitted into the searchable databases. Many law enforcement investigators I speak to across the country do not know what must be done with these records. This is what must happen:
FINGERPRINTS
The missing person’s fingerprints may be located via a wide variety of sources, including (but not limited to): arrests, employment and background applications, military service, and even through check-cashing facilities and social services. If the missing person in California had ever applied for a driver’s license or identification card, a right thumbprint is available to law enforcement at the California Department of Motor Vehicles. The fingerprints (yes, even the single thumbprint) should be "registered" (not just "run") into Automated Fingerprint Identification System (AFIS - State) AND the Integrated Fingerprint Identification System (IAFIS - FBI). Many investigators are under the impression that only criminal fingerprint records may be "registered" into AFIS. The fact
is that AFIS is a database to be used for law enforcement purposes, and this is one of its purposes!
IAFIS has a much more enlightened and progressive attitude. Fingerprints can be submitted by mail (after submission to AFIS) to the FBI, CJIS Division, in Clarksburg, WV, or by FAX. IAFIS is broken into regions across the United States, each with a regional coordinator (information available on-line at http://www.fbi.gov/hq/cjisd/iafis.htm).
Family members should assist the missing person investigator by locating any possible fingerprints sources, and assisting in getting these submitted.
It is critical that the fingerprint record (AFIS and IAFIS) be referenced by tracking number in the NCIC record. Such a comment may be stated as follows: "FINGERPRINTS ON FILE WITH SAN BERNARDINO COUNTY SHERIFF CAL-ID (909-890-5000) CAL-ID #9999999."
DENTAL RECORDS
These records are perishable, and MUST be obtained as soon as possible! California dental and medical providers are only required to maintain these records for 7 years. This sounds like a long time, unless you consider that the missing person may have not seen a dentist for five years, disappeared two years ago, and may not be found for another ten years. Lock down the records NOW!
Order copies – leave original records with dental or medical providers and tell them to "freeze" the file forever. Once obtained, these records must be mailed (or emailed) to your state missing persons clearinghouse. For a list of missing person clearinghouses by state refer to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children website: (http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/ServiceServlet?Langu...). The NCIC record must be updated to described the availability of dental X-rays and charts, and the dental characteristics must be coded for entry into the NCIC record:
DENTAL INFORMATION – DXR/Y - DENTAL CHARACTERISTICS (DCH) ARE AVAILABLE
DENTAL CHARACTERISTICS
1X 32X
2MO 31DO
3M 30V
4V 29V
5V 28V
6V 27/
7/ 26/
8/ 25V
9V 24V
10V 23V
11V 22V
12V 21V
13V 20V
14O 19MODF
15DO 18O
16V 17X
These dental characteristics are critical for the quick comparisons and rule-outs by a trained unidentified person investigator by comparing which of the missing person’s teeth have modifications (fillings or other dental work) with the deceased person’s (or unidentified living person’s) teeth. For example, if a missing person has a filling in tooth number 14, and the same tooth for the unidentified person has never been modified – it is a rule out: teeth don’t heal. These dental records (charts and X-rays) should also be entered into The National Dental Image Repository (NDIR), which is available to law enforcement through the FBI’s LEO network (Law Enforcement On-line). The NCIC record should be modified to state the following: "DENTAL X-RAYS AND CHARTS AVAILABLE ON NDIR." The Unidentified Persons Investigator wouldn’t even need to contact the missing person investigating agency to check the dental X-rays directly.
DNA
The best source of a missing person’s DNA is from the missing person himself (or herself) – referred to as a "direct" DNA sample. Missing persons leave their DNA behind on toothbrushes, shaving razors, hairbrushes, finger and toenail clippings, unwashed clothing, hats, chewing gum, etc. Use your imagination. If these items were not left behind (and even if they were), "reference" DNA samples should be obtained from blood relatives.
The best "reference DNA" would come from the missing person’s identical twin siblings (monozygotic twins) or both biological parents. If one parent is not available, then the available parent (hopefully the mother, because it is the mother that passes down mtDNA) should be sampled, along with as many full siblings as possible.
The sampling procedure is simple; basically a q-tip is swabbed on the inside of the subject’s mouth. But, the sample should not be submitted to just any DNA lab. Since our goal is to have the missing person’s DNA profile to be available for comparison to unidentified persons nationwide, the samples must be entered into the Combined DNA Index System (CODIS - FBI). There are only a few DNA labs certified to complete a DNA profile and submit to CODIS (a list of such labs are available on the CODIS website). California has one: Department of Justice, Missing/Unidentified Persons DNA Program (DOJ-DNA). They accept personal items (toothbrushes, etc.) and buccal swabs. If the missing person was reported to a California law enforcement agency, then regardless of where the missing person’s family member is located, the agency should contact California DOJ and request that the free kits be mailed to the investigator. If the missing person was reported to a law enforcement agency in a state that does not have its own certified lab, then DNA samples may be submitted to either the Federal Bureau of Investigation directly, or to the Center for Human Identification at the University of North Texas (Phone: 800-763-3147 - Website: www.hsc.unt.edu/departments/pathology_anatomy/dna/forensic.htm).
On average it will take a period of months for a missing person’s DNA profile to be developed and entered into CODIS. This will surprise the gullible who see that Gil Grissom on CSI Las Vegas can knock out a DNA profile by the second commercial break! Here in the real world it takes a tad longer. In fact, I have skeletal remains cases that I submitted for DNA processing in 2003 that have still not been completed! Not through lack of trying, but because the DNA was degraded by exposure, and the technology has not yet developed to the point that viable DNA can be obtained.
In any event, when DNA profiling is completed the NCIC record must be updated to describe the availability of a DNA sample in CODIS, including any reference numbers.
NAMUS
I typically use the phrase "your tax dollars at work!" as a form of derision, as there are so many examples of government waste. But, in NamUs, you are getting your money’s worth! NamUs, the National Missing and Unidentified Persons System website (http://www.namus.gov/), is (in my opinion) the greatest development since the computer itself! NamUs consists of two databases, an Unidentified Persons side that I am entering my cases into, and a Missing Person side. The databases accept photographs, descriptions, fingerprint information and cards, dental characteristics and X-rays, and DNA reference. The best part is that the databases cross-reference each other and suggest matches! This is truly our national website!
Members of the public can browse the site, and contact law enforcement if they observe potential matches. Increasingly, people with computer skills beyond ours in law enforcement have been logging in and devoting their time to searching for matches. I call these "private citizen researchers." They look where I cannot, and have computer skills that I do not. They see connections between cases that I don’t, and are some of the greatest hopes for matching two cases for comparison.
But, if your missing person is not on NamUs, who will see it? You must ensure that your law enforcement investigators enter each and every missing person under their jurisdiction into NamUs!
TEAMWORK
A missing person is too important to be left to one person. Those family members who wish to "leave it to the professionals," and sit back on the couch to let the police do the work will probably get out of this what they put into it. I prefer the Team Approach, with the family involved in a productive way. We must help law enforcement to accomplish this mission, and if they do not know how, we can show them the way.
If there is any way that I can assist, please contact me:
David Van Norman
Email: dvannorman@sbcsd.org
Words of Wisdom to help you through when a loved one goes missing
How to "Navigate the Scene"
I am writing this from my own
experience, having been in that "world" for 6 years and having a
resolution, although not the one I wanted. I also am in contact with
other people who have missing loved ones. The following is a list of things
that I see, looking back, that I wish I had known. They are also things
that I see still happening to people right now. So here goes....
Be Cautious to who you give your personal information
Just because a person joins searches
for your loved one doesn't mean they get automatic "family"
status. These people who so fervently insert themselves in your search
can be overbearing and manipulative. It can be their way of getting some
notoriety or getting to feel like they are contributing. The latter is
not so bad, but still, be careful. If they know too much about you, it starts
to crowd your personal life and give people access to places in your life they
haven't earned.
There is some sort of "war" going on between some
organizations that are supposed to be helping families
Stay away. If you have one
Organization Director bad mouthing another... don't join in. Your focus
should always be on your missing loved one and the facts. Period.
There are always people who want to poke holes in your story
Ignore them, and if they must have
an answer, simply explain to them, that the story will constantly change and
there is nothing you can do about it. People will always be giving you
good/bad information and as a family member looking for a loved one, you will
always want to check any info given. If someone else can't see the
confusion of that, they should just be ignored.
Don't feel like you have to post your loved one's info on
only one organization's site
You might feel like you
"owe" someone loyalty in your search. You don't. They are
in business to help you. If they make you feel indebted... then they are
not doing their job correctly. I can't stress this enough. There
are very many organizations out there and most work together, which is
wonderful. But they mostly all have a different hook. One org does
physical searches while another pays for them. One does Billboards and
another helps with emotional support, etc. They are all equally fantastic
and useful. So don't limit yourself out of a false sense of
loyalty. Again, your focus is not their comfort, it should be on your
loved one. They aren't going through the same thing as you are (well most of
them aren't). I mean, if YOU were in
their shoes, wouldn’t you want the family you are helping to get as much
exposure and assistance as possible?
Don't allow your information to be repeated in an untruthful
way
ALWAYS double check what an
organization or news story wants to post about your story before
printing. Press releases and Missing Person's posters should always
include the facts and be spelled correctly with proficient grammar. No
one will take a story seriously if a person can't take the time and respect
to get the information right. You are not required to allow anyone to
pass out incorrect information on your behalf. I had an instance where I
talked to a woman on the phone who wanted to do a “press release”… I agreed to the facts, and she bent them to
meet her media goals. Then she created a
flyer that had my Mom’s name misspelled, the words were all over the page and
the facts were very limited. When I
asked her to fix it, she treated me like I was being ungrateful. And I fell for it…. Here is a link to the "press release" You can probably see right away what I mean. http://helpfindallison.com/Catherine%20Marie%20Lique%20Poster%20-with%20Press%20release.pdf My Mom was Catherine Lique she was 5'2". Also it was so blunt and brash that it was hurtful to see. And just to clarify I was never worried about it being a trucker serial killer.....
Do not, under any circumstances, allow an organization to “nominate”
you to be a volunteer for them
If you ask to be a volunteer, that
is fantastic and this world could do with more of you. But when you are
going through such a traumatic experience, the last thing you need to do on top
of that is have to feel like you have to go out and search for everyone
else. I know how harsh this sounds, so hear me out..... When you are
working a full time job and taking care of your family, all while looking for
your loved one, the last thing your heart needs is to be filled up with
everyone else' searches. It is one thing to be an advocate and get others
messages out. By all means, please and thank you. But to have to
physically exhaust yourself over someone else' "nomination" is unfair
and exploitative. Especially if you feel like you “owe” your service to them
because they have helped you. Remember,
they went into business to help people like you… They shouldn’t expect anything
from you. You need to focus on your
loved one.
Be gracious and kind without exhausting yourself
Folks need to be reassured that you
are thankful for their help. You don't need to shower them with accolades
or push their message to the media. A simple thank you is far more
easy for someone in your situation to deliver than a grand gesture such as
certificates, flowers and immense media coverage. It is exhausting and
true souls will understand that and be grateful that you aren't getting over
stressed to the point you can't focus on your loved one.
Give yourself a break
Not everyone is strong enough to
take on such an endeavor.... You probably already know what I mean. You
are probably the only person in your family fervently searching for your loved
one. I have been there. I used to be so hard on myself and so angry
at the rest of my family. Looking back, I had every right to be angry at
them, but not so hard on myself. But my anger didn't get me anywhere and
only made me feel worse. It didn't push any of them into action. Once
I was able to accept that, I wasn’t so hard on myself. Unfortunately, my acceptance happened after
my Mom was found. I wish I had thought
of it when I was searching.
Do not let an Organization director or chairperson treat you
badly
No matter what the circumstances
are..... No one has a right to treat you like dirt, or call you names. No
matter what. If this happens to you, don't engage. Don't
reply. Send that information to the police and to everyone else that you
have joint contact with. This person should be held accountable for their
actions so that they won’t repeat them to others. There is never any instance where a
professional should treat a victim's family members badly. Ever. You
don't owe them anything and should not allow them to make you feel badly when
you are already going through enough. Even if you started it, they should
be professional and ignore it. You are going through a rough enough time
and need understanding, not a meany beating you down. I am not saying you
have a right to start stuff with someone, just saying that the professional
should not allow for the conversation to progress. This should never be an issue, but sadly it
is.
The MEDIA is a great tool
But don't let yourself become a
mediamonger. A mediamonger is someone whose soul purpose is getting their
story to the media, rather than actually looking for their loved one.
When your goal is having your loved ones story be the most popular, you can
lose a lot of valuable actual searching time. You need those
minutes. Nancy Grace won't give you that time back, CNN certainly
won't. When you worry more about the pose you are making in the picture,
than if the truth of the message is getting to the targeted people (locals who
might know something, law enforcement, and helpful organizations), then you
need to take a minute, regroup and get back on task. If people recognize
you more than your loved one... it's kinda messed up. Focus on the facts... Not
the amount of hits your story gets.
Keep 2-10 notebooks handy
This advice was given by Susan
Milano, and is another thing I wish I had thought of while I was searching… There is so much stuff that is in my head,
but never put on paper. I wish it had
been, since I am not perfect, and do forget things often. Keep one by your home phone, keep one in the
car, keep one near your bed, in the bathroom, everywhere you frequent. On your desk at work too. The value of having the right name or
location when someone asks, is immeasurable.
Keeping important phone numbers and contact information can be just as
integral to your search as your loved one’s physical description. This is especially true as the search goes
on…. You forget things, your mind is weary and your heart is heavy. It can also help the investigator if the
unfortunate ending to your journey is a homicide.
You can take these tips or leave them.
They are from my personal experience and had I known, I would have navigated
the "scene" much better than I did. I would not have allowed
myself the frustrations that I endured that I could have been placing on
looking for my mother, rather than petting someone's ego or allowing things to
happen because I was so desperate for help.
I hope this helps some of you with
what you might be struggling with inside, and not sure how to express it or
handle it.
There are so many fantastic
organizations out there and I hope you can get all of the help that is
available to make your journey easier on you. I also hope that you
remember this is not about anyone else, but your loved one. If you keep
your focus you will be ok. Good Luck.
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